coming or going

it's been so long since i've written on this blog. i've deleted so many entries and made things private and i'm not exactly sure why. maybe i feel like i am different from those days...or maybe i think those entries don't represent me accurately anymore. i'm not sure. even i cannot tell if i am coming or going (as someone has said to me earlier).

today i experienced something that i haven't in a long time...genuine confusion. i feel like i try to communicate to my friends who i am as a person, both honestly and accurately. tonight, each time something came out of my mouth it seemed to be misunderstood or miscommunicated repeatedly. i felt both frustrated and annoyed but didn't really know how to respond. eventually i just walked away. when people tell me i do something i usually see exactly what i did through their eyes...tonight, i struggled with it. 

i'm walking away from today feeling like i need to reboot and really consider how i handle situations. my strong personality and obviously over-opinionated self can be very damaging. am i not seeing myself clearly? am i mistreating others without realizing it? i don't know the answers to these questions. this is the first time this has happened to me in a while and for the first time in a very long time, i'm having a hard time bringing things into focus. 

i hope that i can navigate through some of this and really develop some answers that i understand. either way, i will continue on my path and try to be a person who treats others with respect and kindness. tonight was not a total success in my life but it was a moment where i have stopped to ask more questions. at least that's something.

confused & sleepy,

m

ps this did not happen at my job or with anyone associated with it. sometimes people think it has to do with that but it does not. surprisingly, i do have other friends. haha. :)