this life

i've been thinking about this life of mine...how weird and simple and small it is. everyday i wake up around 6am and sit in bed for about twenty minutes. i look at emails and twitter and instagram and facebook and after twenty minutes i feel weird about it so i put the technology away. then i usually get up and do the nominal things in life that are automatic & take no intentional energy. i wander around my house and see what i should accomplish for the day. it's probably about 7ish at this point so i go back in my room and read a little of my Bible. not too much because my brain isn't fully functioning so i just read enough and then i say a simple prayer. i always pray for the same people everyday- my family, nick, my niece & nephews, paige (and her husband and family), my grandmother vivian, my aunts, uncles, cousins, angelou and elissa/lorne. it's nothing elaborate or big but just something that let's God know that they're important to me and that i hope He protects and blesses them.

from there, i am usually unsure of what to do. i could clean, organize, edit music, respond to emails, exercise, make breakfast, or run errands. some days I go for a run. other days I just hop into the shower. or I will walk downstairs and make breakfast. regardless of the order, my days progresses with little interactions with friends or family...i'm not sure why but this has been my norm for some time.

and by noon, i'm out of my house running errands (going grocery shopping, to the bank. library, getting something done on the cars, etc) and then i head to work. i teach dance for a living. i tell kids to point their feet and to straighten their backs. sometimes i create dances that i feel proud of but most of the time i just move through the process of teaching dance while in my brain hoping that each person i come in contact with will just have the best life imaginable.  look at some of the teenagers and my hope for them is that they will have value and confidence and humble experiences that will make the world so much bigger to them. i hope that all the things in their world that are important to them are bigger than just today. sometimes i work with students and i think that they could go on to have a career in dance. or that they will become politicians. a lot of them will become teachers because for some reason high school girls think that becoming a teacher to preschoolers is the cutest thing ever. i don't get it but i know some of them were made for it so i hope they follow those dreams. most of them have no idea what they want to do so i hope they just pursue what they love and are passionate about. like, i'm sure one of them has thought that helping people who can't help themselves would be amazing but they won't do it because they don't know how it will make them lots of money. weird. and i'm sure one of them wants to be a doctor but thinks that it's too much school or that they're not smart enough and that just makes me sad because i understand those feelings. but usually those are just my thoughts while i teach them. i don't say any of that aloud. i just tell them they need to stretch through their feet and knees and some days they like me and some days they don't. it's okay.

after work i come home & sometimes i will reply to emails, edit music, post videos for students, respond to everything i can muster. sometimes i just turn my brain off for a little bit. some days that means watching an episode of something on netflix or hulu. other days it means reading a few chapters of whatever current book i'm on. after that i try to read a little more of my Bible and sometimes i just reread what i read in the morning and i say another simple prayer. Nothing fancy. i don't know how to be fancy with God and it be honest. and then i kind of just exist until my brain stops thinking about whatever it thinks about. and eventually i sleep. i didn't save a life. or walk around the museum of natural history. or learn about string theory. i was just me. and my day- this life- was just simple.

maybe one day I will have a different kind of day...i will have a different experience. but for now, this is my life.

simple & mundane,
m

ps: none of this was proofread. apologies for any spelling or grammatical errors. also, it is written how my brain thinks and not intended to be a formal piece of writing. please don't judge me... thank you.